Simone Zaza. Pablo Barrera. Mido. Carlton Cole. Modibo Maïga. Marouane Chamakh.
No, it's not the worst FUT pack ever opened, it's just a handful of the 32 strikers who have joined West Ham since Davids Gold and Sullivan took over the club in January 2010. And those notable flops are just the tip of the iceberg - with those 32 strikers combining for just 143 goals across 709 games.
For contrast, Sergio Aguero has scored 154 goals for Manchester City in that time. Having given the West Ham striking collective an 18-month head start. And having played 479 games fewer.
Since David Gold & Sullivan took over West Ham in January 2010, they've signed 32 strikers. They have scored 143 goals in 709 games. #WHUFC— Jake Sanders (@JakeSanders92) January 10, 2017
As the Hammers look for yet another quick fix in January, writer Jake Sanders has dug up the numbers on those who have gone before. And it's...not good.
Of those 32 forwards, just five have managed double-figure goal tallies...at a combined scoring rate of 85 in 341 games, or just less than one in four appearances. Only one - Andy Carroll - has scored more than 20 times. Conversely, 15 have failed to hit the mark. Ever. At all.
Diafra Sakho boasts the best goals to games ratio, netting 20 in 52, while Ricardo Vaz Te hit 19 in 62 to sit third in the striker scoring charts over that time period. Ricardo Vaz Te.
Michy Batshuayi looks like being the next man up for Slaven Bilic this January, but will the Belgian; still without a Premier League start; prove that 33rd time is the charm?
For more from Chris when he's not writing on 90min, follow him on Twitter at @ThatChris1209